I had an epiphany in the shower today. {Really, we all know that this is where the best of 'em come.}
I was thinking about how scared I was to go back to Utah to get my things, and face friends up there. I never really was myself in Utah. I think there were about 2 weeks last summer that were my favorite, and during that period of time, I was completely myself. The rest of the time, I found myself slowly sliding into a deep depression- noticeable by all. Upon thinking of going back to Utah, I was scared that I would want to stay {I love my friends!}, at the same time trying to forget how much pain I was in while I was there. [Talk about conflicting feelings!] And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was never myself because I had forgotten to really ground myself to something. Not just something, God. In Arizona, I get to have scripture study and prayer with my family everyday. I haven't been a fantastic daily personal scripture reader/ prayer for my entire life. [Painfully obvious as this has been my life for the past 2 years...] I have come to RE-realize that it is crucial that we have the Book of Mormon in our lives everyday. EVERY day. It is crucial that we have a conversation with God everyday. I am ashamed to realize that I had forgotten this crucial piece of information. I have been riding on the coattails of my parents.
But, we should all get the chance to Grow Up at some point in our lives. And here's mine. No more coattails for me. I have a renewed goal to read my scriptures and pray daily. These next 30 days [time needed to make a habit] will be my "growing up" days, so to speak.
And maybe, when I am a little more anchored, I can go back to the place that actually facilitated all of the latest epiphanies in my life. Because, really, I want to prove that if I remember to ask for God's help, I can do anything.
"This place where you are right now, God circled on a map for you." -Hafiz
3 comments:
Amber, I love you. I love that you are so open an honest... And you are so right! It's so crazy and awesome how simple it is to be in the right place with yourself -- putting God first and constantly reaching out to him. It is so important but any of us are capable of forgetting that simple fact. And this is why we have each other to help us out and remind us of the things in life that are really important. :)
Amber, I LOVE your blog! Oh my, everything about it is so stinkin cute! And your writing is fantastic! Wow, I am going to spend a lot of time reading stuff from you! I love this post, I know it's so hard to get in the habit, but I know for me that everyday gets easier. I love reading the scriptures now, and I look forward to it. It's changed my life, and me. Hope to see you when you make your trip to Utah!
Thank you, Amber! I felt the same way for so many years! :) Thanks for reminding me that where we are right now is for our own good! :)
Much love from Germany!
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